


Howls Inside Your Head

by MJAnders98



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Adora is in Love with Catra (She-Ra), Angst, Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Catra (She-Ra) Redemption, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, no beta we die like men, please give this two some therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:34:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26008837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MJAnders98/pseuds/MJAnders98
Summary: Sleep had never come easy to Catra.Even as a young child in the Horde, long before the horrors of the world would twist her mind, Catra had been unable to drift into unconsciousness with the same ease as her bunk-mates.-----OR Catra struggles to sleep, Adora is there to ease her mind.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 95





	Howls Inside Your Head

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written fanfic in about 2 years but SPOP dragged me out and made me write again.
> 
> Catra needs a hug guys.

Sleep had never come easy to Catra.

Even as a young child in the Horde, long before the horrors of the world would twist her mind, Catra had been unable to drift into unconsciousness with the same ease as her bunk-mates. There were countless occasions of Catra tossing and turning over and over in her cot until the wee hours of the morning, eyes bleary and body restless until finally, eventually, exhaustion would claim her for a few brief hours before another day of learning, training and fighting would begin again.

Sleeping got easier once Adora began to let her sleep in her bunk. Despite it shaping the next almost ten years of her life, Catra can’t even remember how it happened. One week she was struggling to quiet her mind, thinking of the family who had abandoned her to the Horde, why would they leave her? Was she bad? Was she not enough for them? Thoughts spiraling ever darker as Adora slumbered soundly beneath her and then the next week she had permanently moved into Adora’s cot on the floor.

As the years went by and Catra began to realise her feelings towards her best friend were a little more than just friendly she began the slow move towards the foot of Adora’s bed. Every night inching further and further away from where she had once slept nose to nose with the blonde until eventually, she simply curled at Adora’s feet and begged the pounding of her heart to slow at even that modicum of closeness.

It was a double-edged sword, however, as Adora’s presence mere inches from her eased Catra’s restless mind- calmed her thoughts of Shadow Weaver and the overwhelming need to be _good enough_. But the slow pattern of her breathing and radiating warmth caused a different kind of stirring within the young teen. Her fur rose across her back if Adora’s breath hitched, a blush coloured her cheeks just at the mere _sight_ of Adora and the butterflies that rattled through her chest at Adora’s laugh caused her stomach to turn.

The Horde had taught Catra many things, how to strike a fatal blow to any enemy she should encounter, how to plot and scheme and devise a devastating plan of attack, how to render a Princess to her knees, how to _win._

The one thing the Horde hadn’t taught her though, was how to love and that was exactly what she felt for Adora, an all-consuming, overwhelming, ever-growing _love_.

It was in her gentle touch of Catra’s shoulder should a Captain sneer at her, it was in the way she would offer Catra her grey ration bar when only the brown ones were left, it was in her lopsided smile and her ocean eyes and her stupid hair poof and in her very soul. Everything Adora did and everything she was only made Catra love her more and more and more.

Then, Adora left, and the nightmares returned tenfold and sleep became a distant memory.

The pain and the rage and the betrayal and the _hurt_ took over everything Catra ever was. Each night was filled with faces and memories and all the anguish they brought with them. She saw the imagined faces of a family she never knew, leaving her in a box on the outskirts of the Fright Zone. She saw the rest of her squad, so kind and caring and _weak._ She saw Shadow Weaver and her crackling red magic seeping into her own bones with the taste of the only mother she’d ever known’s disappointment. But above all, she saw Adora. First, it was her face as Catra turned from her at the Battle of Thaymore, the hurt in her eyes haunted her for months. Then it was She-Ra, a face Catra knew so well but didn’t recognise, Adora’s familiar blue eyes rendered almost unrecognisable by the magic of She-Ra that flowed within her. Finally, it was the horrifying mix of both as She-Ra stared at her with all the determination of Adora after the portal had been closed. That one haunted her far more than she’d ever care to admit, her actions that day changed everything. She’d always been bad, Catra wasn’t naïve enough to think herself a good person but that day, she became something far worse.

Even now after everything, with Adora by her side, arm resting gently across her exposed stomach, Catra struggled to stop the thoughts tearing through her mind and wreaking havoc. Thoughts of Hordak, of Shadow Weaver, of Prime and the war and the portal and _Adora._

Somehow all of her thoughts managed to circle back to the girl sleeping soundly beside her, just as they had every night for as long as Catra could remember. It amazed her really, how long Catra could spend just _thinking_ about the blonde- even the pattern of Adora’s breathing as she slept enraptured her. Before her thoughts could wander too far, however, Adora’s eyes fluttered open and Catra’s heart clenched at the way her eyelashes beat like the wings of a butterfly as her blue eyes met Catra’s mismatched ones. “Hey…” Adora whispered, voice raspy from sleep, her eyes blinked a few more times and Catra found herself blinking slowly in response. “You okay?” Adora’s thumb began to gently rub circles into Catra’s stomach as she spoke and Catra struggled to suppress the purr that began to bubble up in her chest.

“Yeah,” Catra replied weakly, her voice unusually strained. The sound immediately made Adora’s eyes open wider, her attention now focused intently on her girlfriend as sleep fell away to be replaced by concern in her eyes.

“Catra?” Adora questioned gently and Catra fell a little bit more in love with how careful Adora was with her. How she never pushed, never forced Catra to open up but made it abundantly clear that should Catra want to talk, Adora was there and always would be. Catra opened and closed her mouth a few times, struggling to form the words that would express all of the swirling emotions that rattled around her mind and clawed at her ribcage. Adora’s gentle caresses continued as Catra composed herself and the careful ministrations of her girlfriend eased her thundering pulse.

“I just…” There was so much she wanted to say, so much she had already said, and a multitude left unspoken that Catra did not dare to even think yet. So many apologies had already fallen from her lips and yet there were innumerable more that she needed to say, not just to Adora but to all of the princesses, the entire rebellion, all of Etheria. But instead, Catra said nothing, she sighed and pressed the heels of her hands into her eyelids until she saw stars amongst the black and still Adora stayed, silent and waiting patiently, her thumb still drawing circles through the fur of Catra’s abdomen. “It’s all so much, Adora.”

“What is?”

“Everything.” Catra pulled her hands away and turned her head, staring into Adora’s blue eyes, bright even in the darkness of their room. Tears choked up her throat and she could feel her voice waver as she continued. “I caused so much pain, so much misery, to you, to Scorpia to _Etheria_ and yet here you are.” She flung her hand uselessly in Adora’s direction, the blonde’s expression unreadable as she gently took Catra’s hand and entwined their fingers. “I can never apologise for all of the horrible things I did but still Entrapta forgave me, Scorpia acts like nothing even _happened_ and you…” Catra trailed off, breath heaving with the effort of unloading so much. “I nearly _killed_ you, _multiple times_. I kidnapped your friends, hurt you in ways I don’t even want to imagine and you’re _here_ , lying in _our bed,_ in _our room, holding my hand._ ”

“Catra…” Adora spoke gently as if the volume of her very voice could shatter the girl in front of her who was slowly unraveling.

“Adora you can’t deny it, can’t deny everything I’ve done, shove it all aside like it never happened.” Catra pulled her hands away from the blonde, curling in on herself as she sat up in bed. Adora followed, settling herself on her knees, Catra tried not to look as she felt blue eyes bore into her.

“I’m not denying it, Catra, you did bad things yes, but you’ve also done good... you helped save the world- maybe even the universe.” Catra looked up at her girlfriend, her warm, kind, beautiful girlfriend and saw a lifetime of yearning and regret. But as Adora spoke she also saw the promise of an idyllic future glimmering in her eyes, of dances and parties and promises unbroken for the rest of their lives and Catra wanted so badly to give in to it, to let Adora drag her into the blinding light of all that she embodied, all that was _good._

But she couldn’t.

“I don’t deserve you.” Catra shook her head, wild hair that now reached her eyes covering her face as she buried it in her arms.

“You deserve the world, Catra.” Adora pried Catra’s arms away and gently cupped her cheek, scratching the fur that was beginning to grow back in across the curve of her jawline. Catra laughed a cold and mirthless chuckle that broke into a sob.

“What, the world I tried to destroy?”

Adora’s touch stilled, only for a moment before her other hand came to rest on Catra’s other cheek and the blonde pulled her forwards harshly, jerking her towards her chest as Adora wrapped the brunette up in an almost crushing embrace. “Yes, you deserve the world you tried to destroy and what’s more you deserve the _universe_ you saved. You deserve to grow to be more than what Shadow Weaver made you, what my and your actions made you into. You deserve to tell the scared little girl you used to be that it gets better, deserve to be able to look in the mirror and see a woman who caused pain, yes, but who spent so much more time trying to make up for that.” Catra buried herself in the crook of Adora’s neck as the blonde spoke, each word slowly pulling her back into herself and away from the dark spiraling thoughts that had clouded her mind through the night. Adora gently pried Catra away from her, the brunette unaware that she had even begun to clutch at her girlfriend tighter than Adora herself when she initiated the embrace. Adora tilted Catra’s chin up, forcing their eyes to meet as she finished. “You deserve to grow, Catra, to _live_.”

Catra couldn't form the words to express the gratitude that swept through her chest and caused her heart to thunder, she wasn't even sure that language had the words for what she felt in that moment. Instead she said all that she knew how to:

“I love you, Adora, I always have, and I promise I always will.” The blonde smiled, eyes watery with unshed tears and almost too much love for Catra to believe held in her gaze.

“I love you too, now come here.” She laid down back onto the plush pillows of their bed and opened her arms for Catra to cuddle down into. The brunette obliged, snaking her arms around Adora’s waist and tucking her head into her chest, feeling the steady thrumming of Adora’s pulse as it lulled her into the first peaceful sleep she could remember.


End file.
